Power

“When I dare to be powerful, to use my strength in service of my vision, then it becomes less and less important whether I’m afraid.” -Audre Lorde

The words of Audre Lorde define real power. It’s the potential to influence the world in a way that enhances and brings meaning to it, and we all have this potential. In my younger years I didn’t know this. I cowered under the weight of fear, doubting myself and seeing others as having more power and influence than I did. Gloria Steinem says that “the act of taking power is power itself.” She’s right, but taking responsibility for our power comes with time and maturity. We have to grow into it, and part of that is “unlearning” the general understanding of power as aggression, as power over someone else. There’s a song lyric by one of my favorite artists Patty Griffin, “I thought anger told me what to do” that reflects this thinking, and I believe this is true for many of us. Righteous anger can motivate us to take action against injustice, but it’s never a good stance to adopt as a general rule. Anger offers protection that feels like power, but it’s not; it’s just aggression. True power is risky because it requires living with an open heart, developing discernment and giving a lot of ourselves. It has nothing to do with gratifying the ego, investing in our own status or name, or protecting ourselves; in fact, just the opposite.  Deepak Chopra tells us “If you want something, give it”, which is counter-intuitive to our general understanding of how to get what we want or have control. Again, it’s about unlearning the old rules to create anew.  Forget having control or protecting your heart or keeping yourself safe. Have some courage, brave the elements and ask yourself, what do I want to bring to the world? Your answer matters. Your kind heart matters. In fact, it makes all the difference. Claiming your power is an act of courage and of vulnerability. It’s always both. In your power, your heart can still be broken, people can still disappoint or even betray you, and things won’t always go your way. But your risk to be kind and generous and open in order to influence and help empower yourself and others is transformative, and it’s contagious. Like fire, such courage and enthusiasm and commitment to what we care about spreads. And we never know where it ends. So, tap into your inner storehouse of power, claim it, and be encouraged by the words of dynamic thinkers like Audre Lorde and inspired by the words of poet Mary Oliver, who proclaims, “And I say to  my heart, Rave On.”

True Strength

In yoga, especially in some of the standing postures, and particularly the Warrior sequences, the topic of strength figures prominently as an intention for practice. Regardless of whether it’s a gentle or challenging physical practice, instructors speak often of finding your inner strength, moving from the inside out and connecting with your true self. Far from contributing to self-involvement, true strength, whether it has to do with physical strength or strength of character, always involves flexibility. As Kundalini yoga master Yogi Bhajan (1929-2004) taught, “Strength is about how calmly, quietly and peacefully you face life.”

Off the mat and outside of the studio, this definition meets its challenges. Tune into the media and some of the recent rhetoric of presidential hopeful Mr. Trump, and you would think otherwise. In the public arena the culture of vitriol is on the rise, with no limits of decency. Aggression and insults are the order of the day. Apparently, it’s a sign of strength to fly in the face of “political correctness” and tell it like it is. No matter if this is actually just an excuse to spew racist or sexist insults in the name of bigotry and misogyny, or if political debate has devolved into ad hominem arguments (personal insults) as a substitute for knowledge and true debate about facts and issues.  For all the smug satisfaction that seems to fuel this kind of behavior, no one is any happier for it, and evidence of any calm, quiet or peace is entirely lacking.

So if bullying, aggression and dominance are more an indication of bad behavior, and arguably bad character, than strength, how do we redefine strength? I am reminded of e. e. cummings’ words that to be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment.  So, we learn to listen to ourselves and the sound of our inner voice of truth. This is the voice that leads with a moral compass guided more than anything by kindness and compassion. It can be difficult when dealing with others who believe in the world’s definition and dismiss such traits as an indication of weakness.  The trick is to find your clarity, engage only as much as necessary, and to stand firm in who you are and what you know. True strength is something you develop over time as you forge your character. It has to do with keeping your word, following through on your commitments, facing life and its challenges even when it’s uncomfortable, sometimes profoundly so. It means showing up over and over and letting what you do speak for itself. The flow of water cuts through rock; it’s a seemingly softer force than the blunt impact of a sledge hammer, but it’s an incredibly effective power all the same.

The African American cultural critic and feminist Audrey Lorde  (1934-1992) inspires us with her words, “When I dare to be powerful, to use my strength in service of my vision, it becomes less and less important whether I’m afraid.” And so our strength emanates from a larger vision of who we are. As we learn to move and act from this place of strength, it becomes more and more apparent that strength is not about defending ourselves or those in our immediate tribe; in fact it’s not about us at all but rather about using our power to realize the larger purpose of lifting others up and impacting the world–the web of life–in a positive way. What we do to the web always comes back to us because we are an inextricable part of it.  In the face of so much negativity and mean-spiritedness we encounter in the world, we can choose another way.  We can choose true strength.

Our Relationship with Food and Fear

I used to hate food. I loved the taste of it, but I would rather have not eaten it. I prayed for a way to live without having to eat. Those who attended the Mindfulness, Food, and Yoga class held at the studio in July know that this is because shared that I am an emetophobic, or have a phobia of vomiting. So when we’re having a meal together? Yeah, sorry, I’m not really listening to what you’re saying; I’m too busy worrying about whether this meal is going to make me sick later. I’m too busy listening to my inner monologue telling me that eating this meal, no matter how delicious, will never be worth the sickness that it may cause. So, if I didn’t get enjoyment out of that meal, what did I get? Anxiety, anger, and fear.

While emetophobia may be a new vocabulary word, I am going to make a wild assumption that some of you have had a similar relationship with your food. Instead of it making you sick, though, you may be afraid that eating a particular food may make you overweight or unhealthy. Or you may already be overweight or unhealthy and may worry about eating or food in general and see it as the enemy. So, can I ask how much you’re enjoying your food? Are you left feeling anxious, angry, and afraid, just like me?

When it comes down to it, food isn’t our enemy, but our ally. Food is here to keep us alive. We need to trust it—and ourselves–to do that. We need to respect it enough to allow it to do that. Because, guess what? The other feelings that we get from food, the anxiety, anger or fear in this example, don’t matter. That lettuce in your healthy salad couldn’t care less how you feel about eating it; it just wants to nourish you. Similarly, the ice cream doesn’t care if you’re mad at it for existing, seemingly only to make your waistline bigger than you’d like; it just wants to bring your taste buds joy. I think that if we’re willing to be mindful of this, and allow food to do its job – to nourish and satisfy us – we will find ourselves in a much happier, healthier place in our relationship with food.